One way to keep your money safe from invading Vikings is to dig a great big hole and bury it but another way is to fight them off which is exactly what i did. In my lifetime i revolutionised government and taxation, reformed the legal system, wrote books while having spectacular military successes against the Viking hordes and building the foundations of a new country but it seems most people remember me for burning some cakes.
The story of my life should be about all the great things i did, it is my name after all, but rather than the story of how i defeated the Danes and created a new country, i'm the cake guy.
The story is that i was hiding out from the Vikings in an old woman's cottage after she took pity on me thinking i was a random homeless guy and she told me to keep an eye on some cakes that she was cooking while she went off to do old ladies things but i forgot as i was playing with a candle clock so when she came home and saw the smoke billowing from the cooker, she started battering me with a broom and i couldn't tell her that she was beating the King because it would have blown my cover.
I eventually defeated most of the Vikings and lived to a ripe old age of 50 and introduced the concept of weirgild which is where a victim of violence was compensated by their attacker depending on which part of the body the attacker lopped off so lose an eye, tongue, hand, or foot would cost 66 shillings, the nose 60 shillings, a thumb or ear was worth 30 shillings and a toe 20 shillings but if the attacker could not or refused to pay the wergild, the injured family was given rights to kill a member of the culprits family of similar rank and status.
My story doesn't end with my death though, i was buried and dug up three times and then they lost my bones which is most upsetting, i need a lie down and a nice cup of tea, you can forget the slice of cake though.
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