I was the only person to have served as both Vice President and president without anybody casting a single vote for me which turned out to be a good thing because we soon discovered that i wasn't very good at either.My bad luck started with the collapse of South Vietnam nine months into my presidency and presiding over the worst economy since the Great
Depression.
One controversial act was granting a presidential pardon to President Richard Nixon for his role in the Watergate scandal which turned everyone
who didn't vote for me against me and Congress began to curb the powers of the President, which to be fair in my case, wasn't a bad thing.
One Senator said that i had played too much football without a helmet in my earlier days and another said i was so dumb that i couldn't fart and chew gum at the same time which was utter nonsense, i never chewed gum.
In my Governmental team i included George H. W. Bush, Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney and they would spend hours trying to get me to read the intelligence reports but i didn't like what I was seeing, it didn't have pictures in it.
The three of them would often play practical jokes on me such as hiding my Arse and Elbow labels knowing that i would be useless without them.
When it came to the first time the American public had to vote for me, the writing wasn’t so much on the wall as scrawled across the stratosphere in skywriting as they decided they didn't want me anywhere near the White House and kicked me out after 895 days, the shortest in U.S. history for any president who did not die in office.
Annoyingly for them i hung around for years afterwards and when i died aged 93 and 145 days i was the longest-lived U.S. president and they even named a Library after me, i assume they have plenty of Where's Wally and colouring books inside it.
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