In the film 'Full Metal Jacket', there is a character called 'Hand Job' who is killed while waiting for his papers to come through for a medical discharge due to 'jerking off ten times a day' and when he was sent to see the Navy head shrinker, 'he starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division'.What you probably didn't know was that the character was based on a real life person, me.
Desperate to get out of my military service as i was only in there as part of a deal to avoid jail time for stealing cars, i became the worst soldier imaginable and my discharge papers listed behaviour problems, requiring excessive supervision, had little regard for regulations and was apprehended masturbating in the platoon area while on duty.
Once out, i never knew there was so many fans of feedback noise and 10 minute guitar solo's, and to them i was the greatest guitarist ever.
In 1969 i asked Paul McCartney to join together to form a super group, i also asked Ringo, but only because the band needed someone to carry all the equipment.
I got the blame for introducing the nations youth to drugs and some people suggested that i was off my trolley but of course we all know who's really to blame, the little men who live in my radiator and only come out at tea time.
They say i was so good i could play in my sleep, shame i wasn't so good at throwing up in my sleep while stoned, that would have been much more useful as i went to that giant speaker in the sky as a member of one of the most exclusive clubs, aged just 27.
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