Monday, 2 March 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Nikola Tesla

I came to America with four pennies, a few poems and a blueprint for a flying machine but in my life i invented the electrical generator, FM radio, remote control, robots, spark plugs, fluorescent lights and the coil which is used in TV and radio transmissions.
I did show a strong commitment to the whole 'mad scientist' thing, i was celibate, afraid of round things and hated human hair, jewellery and anything that wasn't divisible by three. If they isn't nutty enough for you i built a death ray, a portable earthquake generator and  constructed a bath designed to cleanse the human body of germs using nothing but electricity, oh and tower which generated a 130-foot long bolt of lightning which remains the world record for man-made lightning.
As well as dodging hairy humans and cylindrical things, i would only stay in hotel rooms with number you could divide by three and once paid for a stay with the gift of my death ray which the owners eagerly accepted although years after my death they opened it to find a bunch of wires but that's one those the hidden benefits of being a crazy genius, say you've created a death ray and people tend to believe you.
My rival was Thomas Edison who i worked for but after he refused to give me my bonus so i told him to do one and went off on my own and it is my face all the nerdy teenagers are wearing today, not that goons.
While Edison was inventing boring stuff like light bulbs, i invented all the cool stuff and was played by David Bowie in a movie, Benedict Cumberbatch played Edison in his movie so i think i won that one.
After i died, the FBI took away all of my personal stuff from fear of someone else building the machines and actually using them to split the world in half, spoilsports.

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