Special Guest Blogger: Alan Turing

You like computers? Well my logic engines were the precursor of the modern computers that we use today.
You like not being killed in WW2? Well my German engima code breaker shortened the war by years.
During World War II, deciphering German military communications was a massive ball-ache as the German military communiques were composed with the infamous Enigma machine, encoding messages into something that could only be decoded by someone with either a handy cipher or a super-genius.
I used my smarts to design the Bombe machine and suddenly, secret German communications were no longer secret and shortened the war by up to four years.
On my team was Ian Fleming, who'd later go on to write the James Bond books and Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang but we didn't really get along and not just because of his stupid idea of a movie about our fine four fendered friend.
It is an irony not lost on me that by ending the war prematurely, it bought about my own demise even quicker as back then homosexuality was illegal in Great Britain who had laws outlawing homosexuality, in Britain the post-war government was responsible for more convictions for homosexuality under the obsenity act than the Nazis.
We out-Nazied the Nazis at this, one of the rare times when the legitimate response is 'you are worse than Hitler'.
Rather than be celebrated, they took my machine, won the war and then accussed me of gross indecency for being homosexual and sentenced to either imprisonment or chemical castration which as rewards go isn't great so i went for the third option and bit into an apple that i had injected with cyanide and invented the Apple Logo right there.
I was pardoned posthumously through the royal prerogative of mercy under David Cameron in 2013 and i am probably expected to say that i am thankful my name has been cleared and say i am proud of what i did for my country and even that it is being better late than never, but i think f**k 'em, 57 years too late seems much more appropriate.