I am sometimes mentioned in the same breath as Maradona and Pele but neither was a patch on me, i could drink them both under the table any day of the week.Football is a simple game really, two teams of 11 men play with each other watched by an excited crowd but i had a clear strategy each match day, i would create some space and get into a good position outside the off licence in time for opening time and then try and get around the back, the back of a nightclub going hard to tackle photographer's and staying close to the topless models, making my presence felt.
I'd try to slip away from my marker and get one in the Daily Mirror front page before attacking sweet and sour chicken balls from the Chinese takeaway.
For me Football was a way to earn money to pay my drinks bill, when i was playing salaries were a fraction of what top players earn today, but, with my pop star image and celebrity status, i still earned a fortune and lost almost all of it. When asked what happened to the money i had earned, i said that i spent a lot of money on booze, women and fast cars and the rest I just squandered.
Alcohol was to prove my downfall, i would steal money to fund drinking sessions and received two prison sentences for drink driving, one for assaulting a police officer and another for failing to answer bail.
I appeared on the BBC chat show Wogan heavily drunk and swearing but it all took its toll i and suffered severe liver damage and underwent a successful liver transplant but i just took it as a sign that i could carry on drinking but the alcohol didn't sit well with the anti-rejection drugs and in protest with my liver, all the rest of my organs gave up and i died aged just 59.
Today's footballers like Ronaldo and Messi are brighter, live cleaner and are fitter with all these press ups, running 10 times round the pitch and eating pasta but let's see if they can still run rings around defenders while pissed on as bottle of Absinthe as i was, then let's compare records.
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