Special Guest Blogger: Yuri Gagarin

Apparently the members of the Soviet space program were having a meeting about finding a Russian who was willing to risk their life miles away in outer space and cut off from everyone and when i walked in it was Hello Comrade Gargarin, we were just talking about you.
The Soviet Space Program has achieved many firsts, the first satellite, the first dog in space and now they wanted to send a human around the Planet before America got it's Space Race act together but it meant that things were moving so fast that small things like safety took a back seat, when Vostok 1 took off to send me towards the tiny dots in the sky, a bottom panel fell off and i could see the earth pulling away at 17,500 mph.
As if traveling to space wasn't dangerous enough, what with the lack of gravity, the possibility of freezing or boiling to death, the exposure to radiation and the inability to breathe, i managed to take space travel to a whole new level of what the hell!!
That Felix Baumgartner guy made the World news because he parachuted out of space, well, i did that 50 years ago in a rickety soapbox of a spacecraft with the floor panel missing and no brakes.
Despite 8G of deceleration, i somehow managed to keep conscious which was lucky as the re-entry plan was to eject and parachute to the ground before hitting the big blue planet which was in the way and traveling towards me at terrifying speed.
I landed safely in a field much to the surprise of a woman and her five-year-old grandaughter who were planting potatoes near by but rather than run screaming from the thing in a bright-orange suit dropping from the sky, they bought me over some milk that they had for their lunch.
I didn't see any aliens while i was up there but i would suggest to any aliens looking to come to Earth anytime soon, land in Russia, you will be treated well.
I died testing a new Soviet plane a year before Neil Armstrong took his one great leap for man onto the Moon, but i am proud to be part of a nation that had a blatant disregard for safety and being second only to a dog to seeing the Earth from above.