I have two claims to fame, i was the captain of HMS Beagle during Charles Darwin's famous voyage, and i was the father of meteorology as the first man to accurately predict the weather, which i then named 'forecasts'. I established the Met Office but thanks to Global Warming, the weather is becoming more and more easier to forecast, it's all about a lot of very hot Sun virtually everywhere with fairly little ozone in the sky and far more water down on the ground then there should be with temperatures look set to soar higher than ever with skin diseases climbing steadily over the next few decades so we're probably all going to die horribly sometime in the next century but who cares as long as the weather's nice. Simples.
I may well have been the Captain who ferried Darwin to the Galapagos Islands where his theory of Natural Selection and Evolution formed but i became a fierce critic of the chimpanzee man.
I had a bit of a scienctific background myself but on my return to England and after a run of bad luck where i lost my family and my fortune, i sought solace in religion and became a committed happy clappy type of Christian fundamentalist and thought the whole 'men evolved from apes' thing was particular unGodly, and made sure Darwin knew this via several strongly worded letters to him which old monkey brain ignored.
I even turned up at evolution debates to renounce Darwin's theories but i guess as my argument was that evolution over millions of years with all the scientific evidence was rubbish and all things were made in six days by a man in the clouds nobody can see, it somehow sounded better in my head.
I committed suicide with my shaving razor after forecasting the weather wrong but oh well, at least i got a rough bit of sea off the north coast of Spain named after me.
No comments:
Post a Comment