Special Guest Blogger: Steve Jobs

Cheap was never Apple's thing, in much the same way that healthy has never really been Chips thing but that didn't stop people who love waiting in lines buying new, marginally improved products every single year, one which you are probably reading this on now.
My pal and i started out making computers with a Graphical User Interface and during the computer phase of my career Bill Gates and i had a complicated relationship, i said he was an unimaginative hack who shamelessly ripped off other people's ideas but then i was a bit bitter that Microsoft stole Apple's big idea which we had 'borrowed' from Xerox, although 'borrowed' might not be exactly the right word for what we did but let’s not quibble about word choice, my greatest accomplishment was taking everyday items, sticking an i in front of their names and selling them for an extortionate price.
We had the imac, iphone, itunes, ipod, ipad, we are not talking about inventing historical things here. I don't even know much history because i dropped out of college after one semester, and during that semester all I did was attend a calligraphy class, so if you have questions about typefaces i'm your guy, but as for history, not so much.
My whole business strategy was to sit back and wait for other companies to invent new products, then figure out what the coolest version of that product would look like for example the mobile phone, i took a clunky brick sized thing and turned it into a weird black rectangle which men could use to watch porn on public transport.
I solved the problem of phones being cheap and unreliable, well i solved the cheap bit anyway.
At one point i was even sacked by my own company but that inability to listen or follow basic common sense came back in a nasty way for me when i tried in vain to cure my own cancer with acupuncture sessions, drinking special fruit juices, visiting spiritualists and using other treatments i found on the internet.
Sadly, i went the same was as the Nokia Lumia Windows Phone but i'm quite happy with where i have ended up, there are no walls or fences here but best of all definitely no Windows or Gates.