Americans Stay Over There

Not having much decent 21st Century history to celebrate so far, Americans can now also add banned from visiting England to it's achievements as the US makes the list of places where we we don't want to see it's citizens darkening our doorstep.
Officially it is down to the very high numbers of Covid-19 infections in the country due to the bang up job President Idiot has done over there but the ban only applies to England, Americans can still go to Scotland but to be honest, why would anyone do that voluntarily?
I expect the ban will be lifted either as soon as the infection rate drops to an acceptable level or once every American has caught it and become immune which could be in a few weeks the way they are going but i think this is too good an opportunity to correct a few things before we let the yanks back into our green and pleasant land again.
Firstly, you must be able to pronounce the names of the cities you are visiting. One of the best things about the lock-down in Leicester has been hearing American news channels try to pronounce the city, i am hoping the next lock-downs will be in Gloucester, Durham, Marlborough, Ruislip, Holborn, Chiswick, Lincoln and Dulwich, hours of fun listening to them try to say them places bless them.
Next, understand that England, the United Kingdom and Great Britain are not the same place and unless it's stomachs, backsides or thighs, we don't want to hear how much bigger things are in the States and you can self-promote all you want to in America, but do it here and you will be labelled a Billy Big Bollocks and cruelly mocked.
You will be back on the plane if you call anything awesome, amazing or incredible and would it kill you to tone it down a bit and that goes for clothes and volume and why would you put the month before the day when you write dates, what's the point in that? 
Try to do a British accent or mention your fanny pack and you are outta' here and we have an additional letter in our alphabet, we use the letter 'U', to leave it out just makes you look like proper cnts and remember if you visit between 1 September and 30 November its Autumn, not fall.
Finally, we know we have two taps, ones hot and ones cold, is it really that hard to work out how they work when they are attached to a sink with a plug? 
Take all this on-board and promise to not be quite so 'American' when you get here and we will welcome you back, awesome, y'all have a nice day now.