Special Guest Blogger: Rodrigo Borgia

I didn't let being Jewish, having an impressive man-boob cleavage that a supermodel would be proud of and sweating too much stop me from amassing a huge fortune, slaughtering my enemies, and getting busy with the ladies, i was the original dodgy Pope with an equally dodgy family.
My story begins in Renaissance Spain where it's leaders were a shower so i ran out of patience and splashed my cash to all the Papal Cardinals in hope that they’d be bought, which being Catholic's they obviously were, and i became the Pope and i appointed my son Cesare as Archbishop and tomfoolery and hijinks ensued, and by hijinks i mean gluttonous feasting, drunkenness, gambling and massive orgies.
I started wars, poisoned cardinals and took their money but the Catholic Church was a little bit less friendly in those days, popes and cardinals back then almost all had to murder their way into the Vatican or be murdered themselves. It was a good day if you didn't have to whack a religious person on your way to holy communion.
I invented something called the Banquet of Chestnuts which sounds nice enough until you learn that the chestnuts were merely a pretext to have a pack of naked women crawling around the ground on all fours collecting them.
Another nut-related activity followed and i would keep track of the total number and quality of the party-goers' ejaculations and hand out prizes, they sure don't make religious celebrations like they used to.
My children were a chip off the old block, Cesare was a lovely piece of work, he was the model for Machiavelli’s The Prince, many people fell onto his knife that he happened to be holding towards them, such careless people.
When i died my family lost power but my successors described me as one of the most outstanding popes ever, but that was probably because  i saw them at the Chestnut Parties standing out themselves, yes, standing out very proud you could say.