Shalom, as the founder of the State of Israel, i do get asked many questions about Judaism and after the usual ones about foreskins, the next thing i get asked most is about Hanukkah and whether it's Christmas because Hanukkah is the only Jewish holiday anyone knows about.Oh vey, some of you may have noticed the Hanukkah displays on a few shelves between the candy canes, stockings and dancing reigndeer in December but it is all about how almost two hundred years before Jesus was even a sparkle in his father's eye, the Syrians outlawed Judaism and us Jews went to war against the entire Syrian Army and won so we made a holiday out of it and it isn't easy to write catchy jingle about it.
So no it isn't Christmas, every idiot that goes about with 'Happy Hanukkah on his lips should be roasted on his own menorah and buried with a chunk of Challah in his throat to almost quote that famous non-Jew Charles Dickens.
We do eat chocolate money though which isn't a great idea for overcoming sterotypes and we have a Hanukkah bush which is a bit like your Christmas tree, my Auntie Hannukkah was always proud of her bush, a man would trim it for her twice a year.
As for Isreal, it very nearly ended up in Argentina as it was our first choice but we also considered Kenya but on a visit to see where we could pitch up we were attacked by the wildlife so decided on Palestine, a land without people or rather a land with people who we could ignore when they kicked off so whatever, none of them are Jews. Moving on.
I did make a speech to placate the Middle East nations, saying: 'we must do more than make peace with them, we must achieve collaboration and alliance on equal terms' but apart from a few quarrels with our new neighbours, Israel has grown and has gone from strength to strength in my vision of living with our neighbours as equals and as Jews are always fighting with each other, mission accomplished.
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