I was one of the most well-known figures in the history of Ancient Rome, rubbing shoulders with Julius Caesar, Pompey and Cleopatra although it was famously various other body parts being rubbed together with Cleopatra.I hooked up with her after Caesar found seven or eight knives thrust into his back and considering that Cleopatra's ancestors loved them some incest and the offspring were famously ugly mofo's, she was hot especially after a few jugs of some extra strong Roman wine and she had a brain which ancient scientists back then weren't even sure women possessed.
I had a great military career and had a talent for commanding which i certainly never got my from my father, he invaded Crete by mistake but i also had a talent for picking up the wives and girlfriends of my dead friends, my first wife was the widow of my friend Publius Pulcher and i had four other wives before Cleo.
It’s debated that i knew about what was being planned for Caesar and i did know and planned to tell him but i got distracted, distracted by his soon to be single, wealthy hot wife and anyway he had named his 19 year old punk nephew as his successor rather than me so pfft, whatever.
Weirdly, when the Roman Legion came looking for me, as there were no statues or paintings of me, they didn't know what i looked like but my death was a bit of a cock-up all round.
After a series of battles, i heard a rumor that Cleopatra was dead, so i stabbed myself in despair. In an awkward turn of events, Cleopatra was still alive, but when she heard i had died, she poisoned herself soon after with a snake, she love a bit of drama that one.
My legacy didn't quite end there though, my daughters went on to give birth to three Roman emperors, Claudius, Caligula, and Nero so, one decent emperor and two murderous nutjobs which as it turned out was about right for Ancient Rome.
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