Special Guest Blogger: Marquis de Sade

Bonjour, i probably don't have a great reputation outside the whips and chain crowd, given that my major legacy is leaving the world the practice of sado-machism and bringing explicit material to people in a time when showing off your ankles was scandalous, think of 50 shades of grey but with more berets and garlic.
My books of sexual debauchery was somewhat de rigueur in aristocratic circles, i just wrote about what i saw but it was just that i was particularly perverse and particularly open about my proclivities and this was in a time when the upper classes were hardly any cleaner than the commoners, just getting to a person's genitals required a stiff wire brush and a chisel.
The things i wrote, said, and even did would make your mother blush while clutching her pearls in disbelief, but i spent a lot of time behind bars for them. In fact, 32 years of my life were wasted either incarcerated or doing things that would get me incarcerated but it was while i was imprisoned that i did my best literary work.
While in an asylum run by Catholic priests, i was encouraged to write and also direct a play using other patients as actors but seeing as the Catholic Church has as many scandals as it does Saints, that made sense.
At some point i decided i needed to settle down with a nice girl. So married a religious, reserved woman who organised orgies, prostitutes, hid my harem of young girls from the police and during my many stints in jail, made sure i was provided with the essentials, which in my case consisted mostly of gags, drugs and dildos.
My mother in law shockingly, didn't approve of her daughter's marriage to the guy who invented sadism and in fact the snitch was responsible for many of my stints in jail so in an attempt to make peace, i had sex with another one of her daughters on the side although shockingly, it only made things worse.
Being the grand poobah of Perverts had to catch up with me some time, i had problems retaining any staff as few maids and servants responded well to my attempting to bugger them while they served supper and after a set of maids fled my chateau, the father of one of the maids attempted to shoot me at point-blank range. Lucky for me, the gun misfired and i escaped.
My first serious charge was a doozy, i tried to convince a sex worker to use the holy cross for a purpose where no holy cross had gone before but she reported me and i was charged with blasphemy, which led to my very first arrest.
I was actually thrown out of one prison one for disturbing and seducing the prisoners, i was even thrown into the Bastille just as it was being stormed but far from it ending in seven free prisoners, it ended with six free ones and me being taken to another nuthouse for being a sexually deviant.
I died in prison, while having an affair with a teenager who worked there so my story has a happy ending so now i just got to clean up the mess i made on Lucy's chair and leave a note for the next person to use the keyboard that they may want to give it a bit of a wipe down first.