I know men look at me and the 20,000 women i had sex with with my 13 inch penis while making over 2,500 porn films and think lucky git and so they should, i had sex with 20,00 women, made over 2500 porn films and had a 13 inch wang, wahey...what's not to be jealous of?? Before making my big break in the pornography industry, i worked as an ambulance driver, a shoe salesman, a furniture salesman, and a door-to-door brush salesman and tried my hand at a job stirring chocolate at a factory which gave me strong wrists which would come in very useful later but my big break came whilst standing next to a man at an urinal who happend to be a porn director and noticed my package and before i knew it i was earning $3,000 a day and having sex with everyone.
If there was a way to be filthy, i tried my hand and one or two other body parts at it but i developed a very expensive drug habit and i had to start looking for new ways to make money, like prostituting myself to men and women and credit card fraud and some other illegal dealings, ended up in prison and eventually contracted HIV, withered away to 90 pounds and died three years later.
Porn actors and actresses don't seem to get the recognition we deserve, there is only so many times you can see Brad and Angelina posing for photographs on a red carpet or Kate Winslett blubbing in front of a podium before you reach the conclusion that God, these gong giving events are brain numbingly boring.
While the more mainstream actors and actresses are getting their backs slapped, we should also celebrate the actors and actresses who get slapped onto their backs. Or up against a wall. Or on the bonnet of a car. Actually, almost anywhere and porn is becoming big business, the porn film Pirates 2: Stagnettis Revenge cost $10 billion to make and is loosely based on the Pirates of the Caribbean film although i don't remember Johnny Depp doing that with a ho ho ho and a bottle of rum.
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