Special Guest Blogger: Aleister Crowley

My father was particularly devout, spending his time as a traveling preacher and reading a chapter from the Bible to me and my mum after breakfast every day but when i queried the bits about unicorns, dragons, talking snakes and horses with the heads of lions he would just tell me to shut up and eat my cornflakes.
That was my problem with religion, some of the stories in the Bible are so far fetched that you really couldn't make it up but obviously someone did and people would spend their Sunday mornings sat on hard pews listening to a man in a frock bang on about a character who was plagiarised from other deities and then someone turns up and rattles a plate in their faces and expect them to make a donation for it all.
I had the idea that as religion is just a load of made up nonsense, i may as well make up my own only mine included smoking, masturbating, and having sex with anyone and everyone. We even had special biscuits, only with added menstrual blood and a mixture of semen and vaginal fluids. Not as tasty as a McVities Rich Tea admittedly but they were okay.
Calling my religion Thelema, i said that i was the prophet who had been contacted by a supernatural entity and guardian angel named Aiwass who provided me with The Book of the Law which served as the basis for Thelema and the message was 'Do what thou wilt' and my wilt was to have sex with as many prostitutes as i could and smoke hashish.
My noteirity led me to being called the 'Wickedest Man in the World' and linked with the occult and writing a butt-load of books on magic but not quite the bunny-in-a-hat type that most people love. The real kind. The kind that does a lot of drugs called Sexual Magick which which is basically just using climax fluids as parts of a spell. And whatever was left over went into the biscuit baking.
At once point i told everyone i had opened a portal between our universe and another, giving aliens a passageway to Earth but after life time of catching gonorrhea and syphilis and a doing a shipload of drugs it was asthma which killed me.
In fairness my religion was no worse than the other 'official' ones, nobody ever got burnt at a stake or ostracised for loving someone of the same sex and my supporters were no more gullible for swallowing my 'God tells us to have a gang-bang' explanation than those who swear that a talking snake told a woman to eat an apple or that a man managed to fit two of every kind of animal on a small boat.