Look, i know that putting out a song called my ding-a-ling, which had the line which went 'Every time the bell would ring, You'd catch me playing with my ding-a-ling' doesn't look good but i did have some Pavolvian reaction to bells, it's a Tennessee thing, but i was not a massive pervert.The 14-year-old girl i got caught trying to smuggle across state lines was not for immoral purposes, we was looking for her lost puppy and then there is the restaurant thing.
Having made all kinds of money for being a musical legend, i decided to buy a few restaurants. Then i decided to buy some video cameras. Then i decided to install those cameras around the restaurants and a few got installed in the ladies restrooms, then i decided to view the security footage from those cameras. Look, my crime was hiring lousy workmen.
I have been called one of the greatest guitarists of all time, one of the inventors of rock music but i wasn't just the daddy of an entire musical genre, i also gave the world the duckwalk which most guitarists at some point have tried to copy and there's a funny story behind that.
Early in my career there was a bunch of talent scouts at one of my concerts but i had dripped beer down the front of my shirt moments before i went on stage and covered up the embarrassing stains by hunching over, the crowd loved it and playing the guitar like Quasimodo with a bad bout of constipation was born.
My 'Johnny B Goode' song was chosen to represent Humans on the Voyager Space Mission so if any alien life finds it they will think those funny looking humans on that blue planet can't be all bad and not obliterate us
I had a great career and died aged 90 but i wasn't looking forward to having to explain My Ding-a-Ling to St. Peter especially after having to ring the the bell on the Pearly gate.
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