Special Guest Blogger: Christian God

If i had an address it would be everywhere and nowhere, present in space and time which may a bit confusing but it stops all that advertising crap coming through my letterbox.
Out of all the things bright and beautiful i put on your planet, it's only you human earthlings who complain, it's not the other creatures down there complaining about the state of the Earth.
I made several billion other planets at the same time and they don't have problems with earthquakes or volcanoes although granted Earth was made in in six days which is less than the standard turnaround time for a new planet but still plenty of time for adequate safety checks to be carried out and anyway each comes with a 100 million year guarantee with optional after-sales service but beyond that date, me, nor any of the employees of God PLC limited, could be held responsible if the inhabitants didn't follow the manufacturer's instructions.
If you are going to stuff the air with pollutants and the sea with plastic then don't come praying to me, it's your mess, you clear it up.
Also, don't come to me for help in all your holy wars, it's a bit of a liberty to be honest i have enough on my plate already what with answering prayers, blessing America and saving The Queen, i just haven't the time to co-ordinate all your many Holy wars as well.
I'm not against praying in general but some of the things i get asked for is just ridiculous, have you any idea how difficult it is to arrange for one person to pass an exam or something, and when you don't pass i get blamed for ignoring you or screwing you over as if it's nothing to do with skipping all those lessons or failing to revise.
If you are not happy with me, you could always try one of the other deities next time, there are thousands of us and Muhammad seems to do quite well for his lot so maybe he has an opening for someone in the O Level Geography Class. Might be worth a try.
Lucky for you lot that i'm a lot calmer these days, i had a real temper as a young man and almost killed everyone on Earth with floods but i have calmed as i have got older and use less weather phenomena to demonstrate my wrath on  my planets inhabitants when they displease me.
That said, there has been a giant storm raging on Jupiter for over 500 years but there are an awful, lot of gay aliens on that place and i think i clearly set out my position on gays, i'm not a fan but that is all set out in the Bible's small print of the terms and conditions.
I know some people don't believe in me and sure there was a flurry of activity 2020 odd years ago which included impregnating teenagers, setting fire to bushes, parting the seas and issuing tablets of stone but nothing since except an occasional appearance as a smudge on someones toast but i say to the Atheists if i didn't exist there would be no Atheists but as there are Atheists...Amen as they say in my many houses.