Special Guest Blogger: Hindu God Yama

People can be quite intimidated when they first meet me, i'm a Death God afterall but i sort of got the job by default, as the first human i was also the first to die so with no other candidates i just got handed the job.
Being the first dead person in the Underworld was very strange and very lonely at first but there was no shortage of mortals arriving to keep me company since and my job is to have a bit of a nosy at what you did in your life and then decide one of three fates for you based on Karma.
So what can you expect when you finally get here? Well my porter Vaidhyata will take you to my two attendants Kalapurusa and Chanda who will usher you to me for an audience and then my scribe Citragupta will read all your worldly deeds from the Agrasandhani where everything you have ever done, good and bad, are logged.
Then it's my job to weigh it all up from my throne of judgement, or Vicarabhu, allocate you a score and consider the three options that i have at my disposal.
Depending on how good or bad you have done when the score is totted up, too low and i escort you to the 21 levels of Naraka which is our version of hell where you are tortured for a bit and then once you are suitably rehabilitated, you come back to me.  
If your Karma score is not too shabby or you have been through Naraka, i offer a route back to the World in the form of a re-birth so you can have another go but be warned it may not necessarily be as a human, you could be a cow or a chicken or whatever i feel like that day.
The highest scorers get the best option which is to be given immortality by drinking Soma made from mushrooms and sent to live forevermore with the wise and saintly spirits of the departed ancestors of Hindu culture to enjoy eternal happiness and shine as stars in the celestial heavens.  
You are probably now worrying about all the things you have done and yep, they have all been written down but there is a loophole to spare you the justice of my court, you just need to make sure that you die in a holy place so as long as you can arrange to draw your final breath in a Temple then that time you stole all that stationery from work or scribbled your ex-boyfriends telephone number on the toilet door in the local pub need never be mentioned.