What's up, not much? Stormin' Norman here and you don't get a nickname like Stormin' unless you been in a few scraps and i was there for all the big ones, Vietnam, Granada and of course Iraq. A bunch of people told me Saddam had invaded Kuwait and had chemical weapons and i said to Saddam, that's cool, we got them too but did you ever see World War Two? Those two big bombs in Japan were dropped by us so get out of Kuwait and stop making bombs filled with chemicals or that could be your country too dude, I'm just saying.
He said he didn't have them and he was staying in Kuwait so we invaded and he immediately shit every pair of pants that he owned when Uncle Sam came knocking at his door and shoved a slice of ma's apple pie up his ass.
The American military is the only job i know where you could shoot someone or sexually molest them and photograph it and then not only not get in trouble but be called a hero and get paid for it.
We were all about keeping Kuwait safe the first time around but when the call went out for Mother Green and her killing machine to remove Saddam we were called incompetent idiots and i resented that, we misled the public, slagged off any press that questioned us, praised the US military and hid evidence so now nobody knows what we did and no there's nothing incompetent about all that, I say it's our best yet.
Iraq turned bad second time around and they asked us what we were going to do about the appalling crime rates and terror attacks and murders and we said that the US was absolutely determined to stop them but when they said we said that last time i said that previously we were determined to bring it down and now we're absolutely determined we're adding an extra adjective to our determination so any of Bin Laden's boys will think twice about blowing up a marketplace now that we're absolutely determined as opposed to just plain determined to stop him.
I didn't get awarded three Silver Stars, two Purple Hearts, and the Legion of Merit for standing idly by and watching the people we invaded get slaughted by someone else so we hoisted a Mission Accomplished banner and buggered off and left them to it.
Hey, the world is a dangerous place and i was proud to say that i played a major role in making damned sure of that.
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