Special Guest Blogger: Sarah Bernhardt

Throughout history, women have been seen as the more sensible, caring and sensitive gender but i was none of these, i was a diva before i was even an actress.
I only became an actress because my mum was desperate for some income and she knew Alexandre Dumas, the author of The Three Musketeers, so asked him to get me into the theater although i never really had the temprement for it.
I broke my umbrella over the doorman's head and got into a fight with one of France's top actresses which got me kicked out of the company so i did what any young woman would do and traveled around Europe sleeping with as many men as i could lay my hands on, men who were not interested in a long term relationship but only in interested in the passion of life, usually right outside in the parking lot.
While winding my way through the continent's bankers, industrialists, diplomats and the future Edward VII of England, it came to an end when i got pregnant by a Belgian Prince.
I raised the child as a single mother but after my steamy European jaunts, the stage still called out to me and i returned to the theater in the late 1860s. When i did, my career skyrocketed and i starred in a string of enormous hits, and before long i was the most popular actress in Paris and was invited up in a hot air balloon but the wind suddenly shifted and blew us into a small town several miles away, i got fined 1,000 francs for that.
I would send terrible letters to Editors of newspapers who gave me a bad review but i always had a peculiar obsession with dying and slept in a custom-made, satin-lined rosewood coffin and my trademark luxury coffin became infamous the world round, i also loved playing characters who died at the end of the play.
In the famous 'Alas, poor Yorick' scene in Hamlet, i used the real human skull of Victor Hugo and i beat Johnny Cash to performing in San Quentin Prison, i did a play there in 1906, the same year i lost my leg through gangrene after jumping off a wall but only having one leg never stopped me performing, i hired two servants to carry me around in a custom-made chair and propped myself up on the sets furniture.
All in all it was a magnificent life, magnificent like a beautiful man's naked buttocks in the light of an Italian car park or a group of ugly desperate ones in a very, very dark motel room in Bognor.