The Austrian Archduke was to being driven around Sarajevo in a open-top car but i was among the crowd with several of my buddies from the Black Hand gang and we was all armed with grenades, keen to assassinate the chubby Austrian.
As the motorcade passed, the first member threw his grenade but he threw it like a girl and missed and injured several pedestrians and the people in the cars behind.
We scarpered amidst the chaos and i went to a local cafe to mull over the debacle with a hot cup of coffee.
Meanwhile, the lardy-arsed Archduke instructed his driver to go to the hospital to visit the people who were injured by the grenade. The driver got lost and drove aimlessly around the streets of Sarajevo until they just randomly happened to pass the cafe where i was sitting outside cupping my hot coffee.
To make it even more of an early Final Destination film, the driver not only drove past the cafe, but realised he was going the wrong way and began to slowly reverse past it again.
Not believing my luck, i walked up to the car and popped a cap in his ass as well as his head and chest but he never saw me because he was busy stuffing his face with a wiener schnitzel or something.
I did hear this led to World War One which led to German Reparations and the financial crisis in Germany which allowed Hitler to be elected who caused World War 2 and America dropping the Nuclear Bomb which resulted in the Cold War which led to wars in places like Vietnam, Korea and Afghanistan but it is amazing to consider that the majority of the horror and death of the 20th Century may not have happened had i sat inside the cafe, had ordered a cold drink instead of a hot coffee which had to cool down or the driver had just kept going or even knew where the hospital was.
I got sentenced to twenty years in prison but only served 4 because the poor prison conditions gave me tuberculosis but strange to think that millions of lives lost all because i stopped for a coffee that afternoon.
No comments:
Post a Comment