Special Guest Blogger: Frank Zappa

The normal rock star's day is two hours of playing music and 22 hours of sex, drugs and worshipping Satan but i was anything but a normal rock star, for one i disapproved of drugs although you might be mistaken if you hear any of the 60 albums i put out and naming my kids Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen which doesn't help my case much but seriously, i never touched them.
I need to put right the legend that i got into an onstage gross-out contest with my friend Captain Beefheart, in which Beefheart took a dump onstage and then i promptly won the contest by scooping up a handful of poop and popping it in my mouth.
The closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Little Chef in England, English food is disgusting!
I was a bit of a strange duck most of my life, i played strange instruments, performing extended experimental jams, and making counterculture music but the strangest record i ever made was with Burt Ward, the guy who played Robin in Batman and Robin.  
For some reason, MGM decided to pair the Boy Wonder with the distinctly un-wonder me but Ward sang like a donkey passing a watermelon so they told him to simply read fan letters aloud while we played some smooth sixties style jams behind him. The resulting song, 'Boy Wonder I Love You' is basically porn and the record was abruptly pulled before it saw the inside of a record store.
In the 1970's, music videos were the new thing and proved career death for the less than aesthetically pleasing pop stars like me although Steve Tyler who had a mouth like he had been in a car accident and the steering wheel had got jammed in his mouth went on to make millions, but i was an artist, i wasn't in it for the money but the critics never liked us but they never really listened to my music, i doubt if they even listened to the lyrics from 'Son of Suzy Creamcheese', philistines.
Anyway, feel free to go back and listen to my 60 album back catalogue, approximately 90 hours of music but first hide all sharp objects because i promise by the 40th hour you will want to use them.