I had the fortune to be the Archbishop of Canterbury when Henry 8th decided to flip off the Catholic Church and he made me responsible for establishing the first doctrinal and liturgical structures of the new Church of England.I decided to look at what other religions there was around and to see what bits i could take from them but so there were a few i would discount immediately.
Judaism is no good, all that removing foreskins and not eating bacon while Islam is a no-no because of Ramadan, Henry would never go for a religion where you couldn't eat for hours on end.
My choice of religion for Henry would be one where he didn't have to do anything, it doesn't cost him anything and he could live the sort of life he chose and sin left, right and centre but as long as he repent before he take his last breath, he was in heaven so that's what i did.
While Muslims are fasting for 15 hours a day and Jews are turning up their noses at bacon sandwiches and Catholics are sweating on the rhythm method, us Church of Englander's could stuff our face all day long with all manners of pork, carving images of other Gods on a Sunday while blaspheming like a trooper and covering our neighbours donkey, but as long as we have the split second to repent before we die, we are going to end up in the same place as all Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Sikhs and all the rest of them.
Maybe it didn't seem fair really but we were not complaining because the Church of England is perfect for us because it's a complete blag.
If you ever make it up here come and say hi, i'll be the one smelling faintly of gammon steak.
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