Special Guest Blogger: Saint Alphege

I rose up through the ranks of the clergy quite quickly and became a monk with a little hut in Somerset and from there assumed the role of Abbot of the abbey of Bath and then the Bishop of Winchester and then King Aethelred the Unready asked me to mediate with the invading Danes who had been burning down the local monasteries and generally terrorising and pillaging English villages.
Now i don't know how many Vikings you had come across but not all of them were maniacs, pillaging and battle were an important part of what they did but they also admired poetry as well, as long as it's poems about whacking someone in with a double-handed battle axe but it shows a softer nature and when i met with the Danish chieftain, Anlaf, his starting position was my God has a massive hammer, yours has a wooden Cross so what's in it for us and we discussed Adam and Eve and how God had thrown them out of paradise after Eve was fooled into eating forbidden fruit by a talking snake, they then began populating the Earth until Adam died aged 930 and so the Christian view is pretty simple, God made the Universe and us humans as we are today six days later and it worked because Anlaf converted to Christianity on the spot and promised him and his boys would to behave themselves from now on.
As a reward i was promoted to Archbishop of Canterbury and went to Rome to receiving a natty piece of clothing called the Pallium in Rome from the Pope.
Feeline pretty chiiper with myself, i returned to England and Canterbury but before i had chance to show off my new neckwear, i was captured by a different bunch of Vikings who besieged Canterbury and took hostage.
The ransom for my release was set at £3000 and the Church went pfft..yeah right like we are going to pay that and said there was more chance of finding a tap dancing Unicorn than paying that much to get me back so i tried reasoning with them that rather than rape an pillage, they could possibly give up their Sunday mornings and spend it kneeling on a hard floor in a draughty Church singing about rowing a boat ashore and listening to someone in a frock bang on for an hour about talking bushes which the Vikings took in typical Viking fashion and politley declined by sticking an Axe in my head.