Tuesday 13 April 2021

Special Guest Blogger: William Brewster

To be elected Head of a zealously religious bunch who thought celebrating the birth and death of the saviour was not religious enough, it shows how religious i was but then that's why i left the Church of England and teamed up with the Puritans in Scrooby, Nottingham.
As part of the Scrooby Gang, we tried to get things changed in England but they were happy to carry on ignoring the tale of how God had thrown a man and woman he made from her rib out of paradise after being fooled into eating forbidden fruit by a talking snake and then began populating the Earth until the man died aged 930.
Our view was pretty simple, God made the Universe and us humans as we are today six days later and there is no room for evolution and all that science nonsense but amazingly they chose to ignore our warnings so we wanted to live around people like ourselves, and there was a bunch of like-minded folk in the Netherlands so we tried to leave but leaving England without permission was illegal at the time, so on our first attempt we all got arrested but we managed to sneak out on the second attempt and when we got to the Low Country it turned out that i was the highest-ranking layperson of the congregation and made the designated spiritual leader in the New World.
So off we went on the Mayflower, that would be me, my wife Mary and our sons Love Brewster, Wrestling Brewster and our daughters Fear Brewster and Patience Brewster and when we landed at Plymouth i was the top religious guy and set about banning things such as Christmas and cards, dice, fancy clothing and smoking in public.
That first Winter was harsh but lots of praying got us through it, praying and to a small degree the Indians feeding us but mostly praying and we went on to make a country in our own image where a person is free to prosecute anyone with a different religious view or with the ability to reason and think for themselves or is armed with fossils and a handful of dinosaur bones.

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