Special Guest Blogger: James Joyce

My books included Ulysses, Finnegans Wake and Dubliners but there was plenty of other books that people pretend to have read, the latter ones by myself as my eyesight was not good and at one point my doctor advised me not to wear my glasses in the belief that my eyesight would naturally grow stronger, because my doctor was pretty goddamn stupid.
I underwent 10 operations to improve my eyesight but absolutely none of which helped and i was almost totally blind but i am still considered one of the greatest Irish writers of all time due to experimenting with structure in ways that have never done before.
Ulysses, was a version of Homer's Odyssey, except that it took place in then-modern Dublin but my greatest work was Finnegans Wake.
Some artists need total silence to focus. Others need their favorite music. A select few can only create under the influence of either alcohol, or syphilitic hallucinations and Finnegans Wake was so complex that it took me 17 years to write, and i was going to be damned nobody would be able to read it in any less time.
The whole book is written in stream-of-consciousness, dream-logic gibberish, in languages that don't actually exist and had high dork appeal but one guy who loved it was certainly not a dork, Hemingway.
Me and him were drinking buddies in Paris, but we couldn’t be more different in appearance, i was pencil necked and even my own mother would struggle to say she loved my face while Hemingway was known for his ultra-masculinity and his boxing skills which we put to good use as i would get drunk, pick a fight and then hide behind my buddy shouting “Deal with him Hemingway which for his part, he was more than happy to accommodate.
I was one of those people who bangs on about how such and such a place is the greatest place in the world and then hardly spent any time there which is why i was in Switzerland when my ulcer went pop and i fell into a coma but woke up briefly and told the nurse that my dying wish was to have my family around me but as i died before they arrived, i probably would have been better off asking for more oxygen.