Special Guest Blogger: Saint Catherine of Siena

People today may wonder with no TV or internet, what people did for fun back in 14th Century, well my twin sister and i was children number 23 and 24 for my parents so that's that question answered.  
Parents had to have many children because the at that time the Black Death had strolled up and kicked Europe right in the teeth with its pestilence boot, my twin barely made it a week and by the time i reached my teenage years, there was only 12 of us 24 children left to share birthday cake with.    
From a very young age, i had visions of Jesus, which eventually developed into what i called a mystical marriage but each wedding needs a wedding ring and mine was an invisible ring of Jesus's foreskin.
In adulthood, i worked my foreskin-clad fingers to the bone bettering the lives of the sick and the poor but if you think wearing a foreskin wedding ring is as gross as it gets, you had better stop reading now because it gets much, much worse.
I was big on fasting and i did it so much that my body began rejecting food and by the time i was 25 i could no longer bear food all and eating anything caused me intense stomach pain and vomiting blood.
Doctors came to see me but this was the period of doctors trying to cure everything with leeches. A leech on my stomach for stomach ache, a leech on my forehead for headache, a leech on my bottom for constipation which wasn't that great if you forgot about it and sat down and squashed it.
I did keep down the pus i drank which was oozing from the body of a dying woman i was nursing but pus isn't a balanced diet and by the age of 33 i was dead but my story doesn't end there.
They buried me and then decided it would be better to honor me by moving my mortal remains to a more fitting burial site but when they dug me up my head popped clean off along with other parts of my body.
The Church decided that it would be a waste of good rotting body parts so repaid my devoutness and selflessness by naming me the patron saint of illness and mounted my head and a thumb in a cuckoo clock and sent three fingers and a foot to Venice, a hand and a shoulder blade to Rome and one of my ribs to Florence.
I tend to think the world is a bit of a miserable place, so anyone who can add a bit of cheer is doing a good job, which is what i hope I'm doing on the chime of the hour, every hour, 24 times a day.