Special Guest Blogger: Princess Olga of Kiev

Things were going well for me in 10th century Kiev, i was married to a nice man, Prince Igor, and we lived a nice life or as nice as we could in a time when you had a varied choice of diseases to die from and the latest wonder medical procedure was having your blood drained from your body.
One day Igor went out to collect tribute from the neighboring Drevlians, but instead of paying up they killed him by tying his legs to two bent down birch trees and then letting the trees straighten again and tearing his body apart.
Because our son was too young to take the throne, it was passed to me and the Drevlians saw an opportunity to take over my Kingdom but rather than war, they thought they could use my newfound husband-less situation to marry me off to one of them and unite our Kingdoms with their guy as King over both.
They obviously hunted around for their best guys as potential suitors and sent 20 men to me to chose which one would share the throne so i put on my best smile and welcomed the visitors and told them that my people would carry them in their boats to the castle, so they wouldn't have to walk. And they did but when they got to the castle's courtyard, the carriers dumped the suitors, boat and all, into a giant trench where they were all buried alive.
I then sent a messenger to say i had chosen and to send their top people to help prepare for the wedding which they did and i directed them to a a bathhouse to wash up after their long journey and once inside, i barred the doors and set the whole building on fire.
I sent another messenger with an oops, sorry about that, accidents will happen and all that so you had better send some people to attend the funerals and they sent five thousand mourners who delicately stepped around the smouldering remains of a bathhouse to a wake where i plied them with drink and when they were good and drunk, me and a few hundred of my troops went around and killed them all.
The Drevlians by now were starting to think something was amiss when none of the thousands guys they sent my way ever returned and noticing thousands of freshly dug graves sent a WTF message which i replied with my own message of OK, its a fair cop i have been whacking your guys but as a a gesture of peace, if you send three pigeons from each Drevlian household then all would be cool between us.
As they were running out of men for their army, they agreed and delivered the birds and later that night i had fabric covered in sulfur attached to all the birds’ legs and lit them, letting them fly back to their home nests and burning the whole city to the ground and as a nice touch, i stationed my army around the city to kill anybody who passed us trying to flee the fire.
I then took over their land and doubled the taxes of the those remaining alive so forget about revenge being a dish best served cold, i always prefered the hot, complex, and very, very bloody type.