Special Guest Blogger: Saint George

Hello, peeps! Issa George here and i is the Patron Saint of many countries, Canada, Greece, Portugal, Georgia but especially England which is a place i never been but they like me there so to them i not a bloody foreigner, we even speaka the Queen's Inglis, like what i does.
I was a Turkish but became a Roman soldier and a priest in the Diocletian Army but Diocletin hated Christians but he know my father very well and he say hey peeps, every Christian is gonna be arrested unless you offer sacrifice to the Roman gods which is absolute disgust as George is God's man, not blinkin' Zeus, so i say not on you nelly.
He say to my father you tell George to believe in Roman gods and i give him land, money and slaves but i still say no so he say gonna chop off your coconut George and i say you is giving me the right Humperdinck so it fine innit so i give all my money to the poor peeps and then the guys take me outside city walls and do that and my head come clean off innit.
I is probably one of the most famous Saints because of the dragon i killed so issabout time I set the records up straight and tell you peeps what was about.
I was riding my horse through Lcyrene when i hear story of a mass crocodile and it was scaring all the peeps who where unable to collect water and so the peeps would give it a sheep each day and while it was eating, the people would fill buckets but soon they run out of sheep and they say this gotta end in tears, marking my words so they say we know, a lady would taste as nice to crocodile as sheep so they gave it a lady instead.
The townspeople chose the victim to be crocodile food by drawing straws and this go on until one day the princesses straw was drawn and the Monarch begged for her to be spared but the people would not have it so she offered to the Crocodile but before she could be eaten, i comes along and stick sword in crocodile and the peeps say good rids and in honour of me being all brave, all convert to Christianity.
The Crocodile later became a dragon in the story but that is bloods stupid, there is no dragons and i would have said hey dragon, you can have her if big fire mouthed dragon was there and not crocodile.
So today in England people wave a big red cross flag and bang on what Saint George and England means which it turns out is very little but you wanna know somethin' wot is going right through my nostril about the English? They invent Cricket.
Issa stupid boring game and no matter who wins, both teams, and all the fans, are losers so come up England and invent a new game, you must have better ideas, you can't run out of ideas, that's like kebab shop running out of lamb innit.