Wednesday, 30 April 2014

My First Gun

If it's good enough for Somali warlords then it's good enough for Americans, arming their children. 
As every responsible parent should know, handing your young child a weapon whose sole purpose is to kill is the height of good parenting but not just one of those big, cumbersome things, they need something that that their chubby little fingers can grip when they accidentally shoot Daddy in the butt, so luckily they can now get 'My First Rifle' which comes in blue, pink and rainbow colours with cute names like Cricket and Chipmunk.
In a country already awash with guns and horrific gun crime, it makes sense to every gun loving American that the answer is to bring even more guns into the equation and put them in the hands of children and make them look like toys.
It's the second amendment, the right to give your child the tools to not only blow their own brains out but the brains of anyone else within sight.
Don't listen to those soft limeys whose kids are playing with Barbies and Lego, real American kids play with guns in their bedrooms and what use will a car made out of bright yellow lego bricks be when the Government turn up to oppress you.
Be part of the well regulated militia, give your kid a gun TODAY and in a one time special offer sign up for Obamacare and receive a discount on accidental gunshot wounds and a helpful leaflet called 'SO YOU STUPIDLY HANDED YOUR KID A GUN AND THEY SHOT SOMEONE'. Essential reading for the deprived of brain cell parents the Cricket and Chipmunk guns are aimed at, and aimed at.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

that is so funny!! you have redefined comedy!!

i would retort but brits know everything and are perfect in everyway so here i am with a keyboard for my gun, but no british flaws to use as ammo... alas

q

Cheezy said...

Very droll, Lucy!

Come on, Q, sometimes you should just admit - hopefully without sarcasm - that someone's done a pretty good job, and written something funny with style... even if the political point being hammered home isn't one that you happen to share... no?

Keep Life Simple said...

Hey welcome back! Lucy thought you were dead or something.

I didnt think it was funny but that is because at 60 there just arent many things that strike me as funny anymore. I used laugh a lot. Now i just think things are amusing...

Q

Keep Life Simple said...

Hillarious Lucy!

Q

Cheezy said...

The rumours of my death were slightly exaggerated. I was even off Facebook for a while, but that was more to do with being in China...

Actually I know what you mean about finding things in general less funny as I get older. I see it in myself but (especially) my Dad, who I just visited. One of the buggers about ageing I suppose.

Anonymous said...

Cheezy,

China!! - you are really seeing the world. that is awesome.

ageing is quite an experience. in re humor, i joke with people a lot, but i fake laugh most of the time. for one thing, humor is at its best when the punch line is surprising and at 60 you've heard everything half a dozen times or more...

then there is the object of this particular humor. At every opportunity insult and dehumanize the enemy, in this case gun owners. the whole anti-gun-thing is a calling card of the left and tires me. Yes lots of people die from gunshots and deserves the attention of society, but the left does that thing where they glom onto an outcome, create a cause, and go on a mission to protect people from themselves - always at the cost of lost freedom for others. My experience is that 99% of people against guns have never shot one.

Lucy’s mantra over and over is guns were made to kill. My experience, I’ve shot thousands or rounds the last 10 years without killing anything, because I enjoy shooting inanimate targets. Shooting soda cans from 400 meters is challenging and fun. Yes, you can use a gun to kill and I have killed many birds, some deer, hogs, and rattlesnakes. I ate everything I shot except for the rattlers (though many people eat them). I have not shot a person. I do not know anybody that has shot a person except in military service or police service.

For me, doing things with guns was a family event. I have many great memories of shared time with my grandparents, dad, uncles, and cousins while shooting, hunting, reloading ammo, and cleaning guns. One of my favorite games was lighting wooden matches by grazing them with a shot - my dad was the champion. i got my first gun at age 5 and learned how to shoot on my grandparents farm. of course, our guns were locked up when we were not using them. when they were not locked up, everything was completely supervised until i was ten years old. at age ten, i was allowed 5 bullets per day and could only shoot at targets set into the side of a high bluff. My first gun was a .22 short (which is about as powerful as a slingshot, and is far less potent than a compound bow). I was barely a danger to myself much less anyone else.

I am amazed at how things have changed regarding guns. Last week in San Antonio a local high school with 3000 students had a huge scare when they found 2 guns and a lot of ammo in a locker at the school. In 1970, my high school had 200 students. One day we counted 40 guns at the school!!! There were 50 pickups in the parking lot and 40 of them had a gun in the gun rack. The windows were rolled down on all the pickups. The keys were in the ignition in every pickup. SOMETHING HAS DEFINITELY CHANGED SINCE 1970. Can you imagine. In less than 40 years, we have gone from it being safe to leave our keys and guns in our vehicles to what we have today…

I don’t know the solution to societal violence. I don’t know the cause. I do know that guns are not the problem. They are the symptom. Taking guns from me and my friends doesn’t make us or our society safer. It makes the bad guys more powerful.

q

Lucy said...

Are you really defending handing guns to kids? Really?

Anonymous said...

hell yeah. yee haw! i and everyone of my friends got them as kids. none of them is felons!!! none have shot themselves!!!

my kids mangaed to survive without shooting anybody too...

q

Lucy said...

hell yeah. yee haw

Everything that could be said about your mad gun laws and more summed in 4 little words.

Keep Life Simple said...

Whoop!

One word.

Q

Lucy said...

I can think of a more appropriate one.