Today is The Feast of the Ass, a Christian feast celebrating all the donkey-related stories in the Bible but especially the one about carrying Mary to the stable to give birth to God's son and all that nonsense.
Today of course, more so in America where they don't speak proper English, the feast of the ass is something altogether different and includes Buns and Wedgies, probably a rump steak and at the end of the day, under a large Moon, a can or two.
January 1st was the Feast of Circumcision when Christians ate things in celebration of Jesus's foreskin but today is all about the ass so let's raise a glass and shout Bottoms Up to the Saints who are famed for all things ass related.
The Saint to pray to for protection against bowel disorders is Saint Bonaventure of Bagnoregio while for dysentry it's Saint Eulalia of Barcelona you should direct your communications towards.
Saint Fiacre was especially famed for his gift of healing by the placing on of hands but when you hear he is the patron Saint against haemorrhoids, you may not want to think too long about that.