Friday 14 February 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Marcus Licinius Crassus

Gates, Bezos and Rockefeller may be rich today but i was way beyond rich, in today's money it is tens of billions and none of them have their own army like me which i would rent out to the highest bidder.
General Sulla was my best client and we had a deal where he would take the land and property off our defeated victims and flog it to me dirt cheap but my best earner was the fire brigade, which i of course owned.
If i heard a house was on fire, my Brigade would rush to the burning building and upon arriving at the scene, do nothing while i offered to buy the burning building from the distressed property owner at a miserable, knock down price. If the owner agreed to sell the property, my men would put out the fire, if the owner refused, then they would simply watch the structure burn to the ground.
The best part was after buying the properties this way, i would use my army to rebuild them, and leased the properties back to their original, now homeless, owners. Loadsa-denarius!!
I ran Rome along with Pompey and Caesar and to keep my soldiers keen, i would sometimes go on a decimation spree, which is kill every one in ten of them which meant they were more scared of me than the enemy.
Such was my notoriety that i was sent to crush the Spartacus led slave rebellion which i did and nailed up 6,000 slaves along the river like a giant billboard to stop any further revolts. Harsh but it worked, no more revolting slaves, well, no more revolting than they usual were anyway.
I was finally defeated and captured by the Persians who, in a bitter irony to my wealth, made me drink boiling gold and then chopped off my head and used it as a prop in a play.

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