Ze nasty, childish British sang a song about me only having one ball which couldn't be more wrong, i had the full complement of testicles but yah, they got it spot on about Joseph Goebbelss, Joey Noballs we would call him, it really was laugh a minute at ze Reichstag. Of course i was famously Austrian but i led Deutschland into ze second World War but that was ze old Adolf, now i'm much more of a calmer person, i make pumpernickel canapes and my Schnitzengruber puddings are to die for and i still indulge in my art, i almost went to art school you know.
I have heard of a conspiracy theory that at ze end of the Second World War, i killed my wife and a body double and snuck off to Argentina in a stolen u-boat with art treasures but nein, zat was poor old Dolfy lying there lifeless in ze Fatherland mud.
My biggest regret was zat i never really sold the Hitler Youth idea, i really should have gone with ze learn how to tie knots and sing songs around the camp fire and less of ze learning how to fight in battle for when we run out of troops.
Manning the anti-aircraft guns with a group of 8 year old frauleins when the Allies stormed into Berlin was a mistake but zat is all in the past, i am a new man and people forget ze good things i did.
I hated to see creatures suffer and i banned boiling lobsters and hunting animals with dogs so i wasn't all bad, okay i didn't mind seeing Jews, Gypsies and homosexuals suffer so much, but they do say that to err is human but to forgive is divine so have a heart and let's share a Wiener schnitzel and forgive poor old Dolfy.
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