My name is Shakespeare, William, the most famous owner of a feather quill and the giver of most phrases that we use today even if schoolchildren everywhere must be sick to death of me.I gave the world such famous phrases and sayings such as 'More fool you', and 'Neither here nor there' and i am called the most famous writer in the history of the English language because of the beauty of my poetry and the genius of my insights into human nature but Gadzooks we had much better old-timey swearwords back then which we should be bringing back for today.
How much more impressive to call someone a Zounderkite (idiot) or a Fopdoodle (dumbass), whoreson (bastard) or even a Smellfungus (whiner) but ye dont want to be a Muckspout (someone who swears too much) and appear Baseborn (common) or even a Blackguard (scoundral).
How much more keen the children today would be if they learnt Shakespearean insults as i coined some absolutely corkers in my work.
Why tell someone they stink when you can say they are rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostrils or a fat pig sounds much better when called an elvish-mark'd, abortive,
bulls-spizzle rooting hog and by my gammer withered leg, if you can fit in whoreson greasy tallow-catch then even better.
You are fat becomes thou dost make the millstone seem as a feather or a big mouth is thy havest a dank cavernous tooth-hole and you are ugly is Thy vile canker-blossom'd countenance curdles milk.
You should not be afeard to link some together to really kick some breech (arse), buss thine breech dandiprat (kiss my arse insignifcant person).
Egad's, 'tis verily you could smite everyone and they wouldn't even know it, so these are the bits of Shakepeare the teachers won't teach you the unmuzzled, knotty-pated foot-lickers!
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