The national animal of Scotland is the Unicorn so straight off you can see what i working with.Back in my day Scotland wasn't part of the United Kingdom and it wasn't very united until the Romans turned up and we were such a pain in the arse that the Roman Emperor Hadrian built a great big wall right across the country sealing us in so we promptly returned to fighting with each other for the next 400 years.
The wee sassenach King Edward volunteered to become our King but us Scots don't much like being ruled by the English southern softies which
is where my Braveheart (and really nice legs in my kilt) stepped in and with a far better Scottish accent then that bloody Mel Gibson.
The reason i hated English so much was because they bullied my whole family and when the Kings Sheriff was sent up to negotiate with us i killed him so then King Edward sent his army for me but they had to cross a narrow bridge to get to me and my pals.
We painted our arses blue and white to represent the Scottish flag and waved them at the English army from the other side of the Stirling River bridge which isn't the most patriotic thing and we did consider the English flag on our arses but nobody was willing to paint the red stripe down the middle so we held them off and under the weight of all that weaponry and armour the bridge collapsed, drowning them all.
I spent seven years playing hide and seek but got captured and sent to London and tried for treason and my Braveheart, brave lungs and brave stomach and brave spleen were yanked out my body.
It seems that Scotland may become its own country again and this time with Alex Salmon and Nicola Sturgeon running things, we can only hope there are nae bare arses are waved this time, we don't need to see their backsides och no.
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