A popular legend about me is that while walking past a worksite, a butterfingered workmen clumsily dropped a thin metal plumbing pipe and it hit me on the head and knocked me to the ground and after i left hospital i had a headache and pretty decent singing voice. Of course that story might not be true because i was off my face on drugs for most of my lifetime as was all us Mama's and Papa's, we spent a year on the Island of Mustique just inhaling, drinking, popping and injecting anything we got our hands on but we write some of our best songs in that period somehow.
I always had a thing for Denny Doherty but he was slipping it to that skinny cow Michelle Phillips so i began comfort eating and my weight ballooned and me and Michelle would bitch fight but soon the others had enough and said that the band wasn't big enough for the two of us, well it wasn't big enough for me on my own so i went solo and found myself in the flat of fellow singer Harry Nilsson, which is where i was found dead which started many rumours about the cause of my death ranging from an FBI plot to giving birth to John Lennon's love child, but they soon narrowed down to just one, death by ham sandwich.
The media reported that a half eaten ham sandwich was found next to my body and assumed i had choked on it which is ridiculous as i would never have eaten only half of it.
I am often asked what i think of the current crop of girl singers and apart from being far too skinny, a few could do worse than walk around building sites hoping that their are some clumsy plumbers working at the top of the scaffolding.
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