Thursday 11 March 2021

Special Guest Blogger: Saint Blaise

Your home is constantly under attack from Atheists, and we all know what Atheists cause; Dyslexia and Leprosy. Thank goodness there's Christianity.
Christianity sends Atheists running, just add a few tablespoons of Holy Water to your child's bath, and put them in the tub of scalding hot water and Hey Presto! That tingly sensation is awkward questions about reproduction and dinosaurs dying. Now your child has rosy red skin and is 100% Atheist free which means little John and Jenny will sleep peacefully, free from any thoughts of questioning their beliefs and you can trust me because i was a doctor.
Back in my day people had a strange habit of getting things stuck in their throat and after a career of sticking my hands down peoples neck and pulling out all manner of things, i decided living in a cave and praying was a better use of my time so that's exactly what i did but people still came to me which alerted the Governor of Cappadocia that one of the iffy Christian's was spreading the Word of God so he had me arrested.
On their way to the jail, a woman set her son before us, the poor boy was chocking to death on a fish bone so i did my thing and yanked it out and saved his life.
The Governor was impressed and i thought that i may be able to press my advantage and said something like 'C'mon, try a little Christianity! It won't hurt ya. You're not a nerd, are you? All the cool kids are praying' but he gave it a moments thought, then beat me to death with a stick, tore off my flesh with iron combs and beheaded me, so i took that as a no.
So if you are having a meal and a bone gets stuck in your throat then i am the guy to pray to although personally i would call the hospital first, there is a reason why heart attack victims are taken to an emergency room and not a Church.

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