Christianity was growing popular and i could see which way things were going so changed sides but as Christianity was spinning off from Judaism, a common question amongst the new guys was just how close they had to steer to the Jewish ceremonies and one in-particular which involved a very sharp knife and a prayer that the guy had a steady hand.
Knowing that the promise of wafers and a drop of wine every Sunday wasn't going to be enough of a draw if it meant dropping your pants and holding your breath, i declared foreskins were safe under Catholicism and for good measure threw in that women must never hold authority over a man and she must be quiet. Unsurprisingly both went down well with 50% of the crowd but the Bible was never particularly clear on the whole circumcision thing, somehow managing to both imply support of the Judean way of circumcision as a part of every Hebrew man's duty to maintain the covenant with God and oppose physical circumcision.
It was nice of the Christians to accept me actually, considering that i was previously persecuting them and was actually traveling on the road from Jerusalem to Damascus on a mission to arrest them when Jesus appeared to me in a bright light that blinded me for three days and when i regained my eyesight, i decided Jesus was the man and all the rest sucked.
My story doesn't have a very happy ending, i went to Rome and the Jews didn't like what i had been saying about Moses sucking so they attacked me and the Romans arrested me.
Opinion was divided on the subject of executing me. I said no but everyone else thought yes and Emperor Nero was not as forgiving or reasonable as his fiery public speeches and penchant for murder led us to believe and he had me beheaded.
So remember that God loves you so much that his only son died on the cross so you don't have to have bits of your old chap sliced off.
No comments:
Post a Comment