Special Guest Blogger: Salvador Dali

I am known mostly for the moustache, the painting with the melting clocks, the chuppa chups logo i designed and being as mad as a box of frogs but there was only one Salvador Dali, well two if you count my dead elder brother, the original Salvador Dali who died before his second birthday, nine months before i was born. My grief-stricken parents then went ahead and gave me my dead brother's name, because why let it go to waste?
My work was known for exploring fantasy and the subconscious and being thought-provoking and iconic but mostly for being very, very weird but then i made Yoko One look like Einstein.
Actually, talking of her, she asked me for a strand of hair from my mustache, she never said what she wanted it for but i picked a blade of grass and put that into a fancy gift box and presented it to her though it wasn't really a gift, i charged her $10,000 for it but she didn't complain, or if she did i never heard her because i was too busy chuckling on my way to the bank with her 10 grand.
I was very tight with my money, to get out of paying for things i would pay by cheque and draw a doodle on the back and as nobody wanted to cash in a cheque with an original Dali on it so they never, and aloha, another free meal.  
Much has been made of my most famous painting, The Persistence of Memory, i was asked by one art critic if it was an unconscious symbol of the relativity of space and time or maybe a Surrealist meditation on the collapse of our notions of a fixed cosmic order and i replied that actually, it was inspired by a lump of cheese on my table that had melted in the Sun. They thought i was joking, it really was.
They really looked too much into my antics, when i showed up to deliver a lecture wearing an old-timey deep-sea diving suit, it was just me wearing a diving suit and the time i drove around with my car full of cauliflowers, it was just me in a car full of cauliflowers.
Something i never looked into was ladies reproductive bits, they scared me so for most of my marriage, the clocks were not the only droopy thing but while most artists find fame and fortune by dedicating themselves to their art with a singular mind and purpose, tirelessly exhausting themselves, i found just being weird and wearing a diving suit also got you the rewards my magnificent moustache deserved.