Saturday, 13 March 2021

Special Guest Blogger: Saint Julian the Hospitaller

When i was born a coven of witches cursed me, they didn't give me a donkeys head or webbed feet or anything, the curse that they laid on me was that i would kill both my parents.
Apparently my father wanted to just put me outside the door and leave me to the wolves but my mother wasn't having any of that which turned out to be a bit of a mistake.
They did tell me i was going to kill them both so to make sure i couldn't, i moved away, got married and had no contact with them.
Twenty years later i got back from hunting and heard noises coming from the bedroom so i crept up the stairs and peered in the door and through the gloom saw a man and a woman bumping their squishy bits in our marital bed and assuming it was my wife and another man, i leapt up on the bed and started hacking and slashing until both lay dead.
Feeling pretty good with myself i went back downstairs to wash up just as my wife was coming in the door and saying 'Your parents have come to stay for a while, i said they could have our bed, that's okay isnt it?'  
Racked with guilt in this weird twist on the Oedipus story, i resolved to do a fitting penance so turned our house into an inn for travelers and built 27 hospitals for the poor and needy.
One night a scabby faced leper turned up at the door and asked for a room but we was full so i said he could have my bed which was very fortunate because the leper was an Angel sent by God to test my fitness for Sainthood which to be fair was kinda shaky after the whole horribly murdering my parents thing.
They made me the patron Saint of hotel keepers, travelers and murderers, should you ever need one so everything turned out well, except for my parents obviously, they were hacked to hundreds of little pieces by their only son.

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