Sunday, 21 July 2013

America Declares War On Fish

Man-Fish relations are at an all time low today as US planes jettison four bombs onto the Great Barrier Reef.
Although not confirmed by the White House, this is widely speculated to be the start of a massive aerial assault as part of the war against fish. 
CNN Correspondent Wolf Blitzer reported that in his 30 years of experience, he had never seen anything on the scale of the attack on the fish stronghold.
Defence Secretary Chuck Hagel said that the strike had taken place to drive out jihadist fish that had found safe harbour in the Coral Reef, as well as to deliver fishitarian relief.
'President Obama has deployed all available troops to the West Coast of America and troops are currently marching into the ocean to deter any attack from the legions of Tuna and Halibut as per intelligence services information' he continued.
In the UK, Prime Minister Cameron has promised to stand shoulder to shoulder with the United States and after sending 10,000 Reserve Army Cadets to stand outside Sea Life Centres, stated that he would not be seeking negotiations with the fish leaders stating: 'We do not negotiate with those who nibble on innocent swimmers'.
At The United Nations, Colin Powell has just finished his Powerpoint presentation where he declared it: 'An important day for us all as we review the situation under UN security council resolution 1451'.
He went on to show 'evidence' how some fish had been concealing their efforts to produce weapons of mass destruction.
When it was pointed out that his evidence included crude crayon drawings of fish with lasers and clips from 'Nemo' and Shark Tales', he feigned a headache and went to find an Asprin.
Environmentalist's and activist's have declared that the war is illegal and is just about the vast reserves of Omega 3 oil, a claim that the White House have dismissed as 'about as crazy as that rumour that we were listening to all phone calls and reading your emails'. 
Initial reports are that over a million innocent fish have been killed so far.


Nog said...

You don't know what the coral did. It had it coming.

Cheezy said...

Maybe they were after Osama? (and military 'intelligence' hasn't received word that he's already brown bread)...

Anonymous said...

yeah sure,

and next you'll say we water boarded some radical fish (aka phish) to get them to talk...


Lucy said...

Air boarded them surely.

david g said...

Yeah, the U.S. is giving Australia a taste of what they do to other nations that don't have large armies.

First of all, we allowed them to put their troops on our soil and next thing they are bombing us.

Of course they meant to bomb Darwin but they were never very good at maths so the Barrier Reef copped a hiding.

But their message is not lost on Australians: give us whatever we want or we'll turn your country into a parking lot with our radio-active munitions!

Fortunately Rudd is back at the helm and the wicked witch has gone walkabout.

The U.S. wants to use our Cocos Islands as a launching pad for their drones. They already have the use of our ports and airfields!

Americans are taking over my country. The Trojan Horse is inside our gates!

God help us!