Sunday, 2 February 2014

Happy New Year Satanists

I don't think i know any Satan worshippers but if i did i would be wishing them a Happy New Year today because it's that time in the Satanic Calendar when they smear themselves in Goats blood and sing Auld Lang Syne while sacrificing a virgin. Probably.
I didn't even know there was such a thing as a Satanic New Year until the Vatican blamed Satanists for pinching the blood of Pope John Paul II for use in their Candlemass celebrations.
The devil worshippers should be able to summon up one of the better calibre of demons with the blood of a Pope as an offering, maybe even old Beelzebub himself if he isn't busy pitchforking Margaret Thatcher in the bum, so i will keep an ear out for that on the news.
Apparently the Satanists calendar indicates a whole rosta of events through the year including 'St Eichatadt Day' on 1st March when they drink human blood for strength and homage to demons and the 'Feast of the beast' on 24 March when a virgin becomes the bride of Satan in a marriage ceremony.
July 1 is the day of the 'Demon Revels' involving more blood rituals and sexual relations with demons but the day all Satanists clear on their calendar is 31 October, or 'High Unholy Days', when the Satanists attempt to break the bond which is keeping the doors to the underworld closed and include the obligatory blood rituals.
As you can see, they do go through a lot of blood during the Satanic Year so you can see why they would take any opportunity to pinch some of the Pope's when the chance presents itself.

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