Friday, 4 July 2014
126 pairs of shoes in his pack, Now that's wack
A fishing rod, a plough, A pig, or a cow
Would have been a much better idea
But now there's no food for us to eat
Does this mean we will meet with de-feet!
Of all 102 passengers on the Mayflower that left Plymouth in 1620, William Mullins deserves his own post for his reckless disregard in ensuring that his family survived but making sure that they had comfortable footwear.
William Mullins was born around 1572 appropriately in Dorking, Surrey and then the records go quiet until 1595 when he was fined two pence by the manorial court for an unknown transgression and then again a decade later when he was up in front of the beak again and the recipient of another fine for another unknown transgression.
In 1619 he sold up his shoe business and home for £280 in preparation of his trip to the New World.
A year later William Mullins and other assorted smaller Mullins boarded the Mayflower and as the song picks up, he put the foot comfort of his family above things such as eating or surviving making him the first scrounger of the New World but as it never occurred to any of the Pilgrims to bring supplies, thinking God would provide, his poncing off others fell on death ears and he died shortly after landing at Plymouth. A case of 1619 making clogs, 1620 popping his clogs.
As befitting a man who dragged his family across the Atlantic Ocean with no food but many pairs of shoes, his will called for the distribution of his remaining goods so his wife, son and daughter were the proud owners of dozen of pairs of shoes and boots which ensured that they were cursing him and gnawing on leather uppers when the mother and son died a month later although the youngest daughter survived as the less well-shoed Pilgrims took her under their wing.
As we know the Pilgrim's went on to survive and develop America into the gun toting cheeseburger gorging nation we know today but William Mullins deserves a special place in history as probably the most stupidest person since the Trojan guard who decided that dragging in that very large hollowed out wooden horse that had suddenly appeared outside the city gates wouldn't do any harm.
Mr Mullins, we salute your flagrant contempt for your families welfare and immense stupidity.