Spider Warning

According to scientists and men in holey jumpers hanging around in allotments, due to the warm summer and abundance of tasty flies this summer, the spider population have grown larger than normal and the end of September is when they are at their maximum adult size and most active which means at their most bitey.
I do generally try to put a glass over them and gently place them outside but if any giant spiders try any funny business with me I will seriously mess their sh*t up, and mess the bottom of my shoe up as well.
The man clutching the trowel and a packet of seeds assured me that all spiders are venomous but none of the eight legged things we have in the UK has enough poison or large enough fangs to actually harm us and then tried to assure me that spiders are actually a good thing, they eat flies and wasps and those weird crane flies which obviously is a good thing but then so does a honey badger but you wouldn't invite one of those into your home either.
Then there is that urban legend about how we swallow eight spiders a year in our sleep so no amount of stories is going to persuade me that spiders are our friends but if i am going to be bitten by one, i especially don't want to be stood beside the old leaky microwave in the kitchen when it happens.