Saturday 16 May 2020

Special Guest Blogger: William McKinley

I was proud to become the 25th president of the United States and not so proud to become the third to become assassinated but i was a man of peace or at least during my campaign trail, within six months of become President i was declaring war with the Spanish in a war over Cuba.
I also promised to help the Blacks but after i got my hands on the White House keys, i ended up doing very little for them but mostly i was a man of faith who avoided alcohol, never swore or smoked and avoided all sin including sex.
I believed that the government had a duty to spread Christianity to all those heathen nations and if the chance came along, maybe Democracy as well but mainly religion as i believed that America was not as religious as it should be.
I always thought that abstinence should be taught at school, the younger generation are very ignorant about sex because it's not just about rubbing your belly buttons together and then waiting for the stork to leave the baby behind a bush.
My legacy was suddenly cut short when Leon Czolgosz, a Polish-American with anarchist leanings walked up to me and shot me twice with a pistol hidden in his handkerchief.
Luckily the pistols back then were rubbish but unluckily so where the doctors and although the bullets never killed me straight away, the medical teams were only able to find one of the bullets and the other one gave me gangrene and it was the infection which killed me.
As i lay on my deathbed, i used my last few breaths to sing my favourite hymn, 'Nearer, My God, to Thee' but one verse in i was a lot nearer then i wanted to be and as i died my life flashed before me and my dying thought was, i really should have had more sex.

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