Sunday, 10 May 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Herbert Hoover

I am probably most remembered for overseeing The Great Depression and for saying in my inauguration that i would rid America of the poor house, just months before the stock market crashed and sent America into the Great Depression along with skyrocketing unemployment, breadlines and towns of cardboard houses.
The irony is that up until the unfortunate worst financial disaster of all time depression business, i was best known for trying to ban radio stations but nobody seems to remember that, in the 1930s it was all big bands and swing music and i was sick to death of hearing Duke Ellington and that damn Glenn Miller 'In The Mood' song.
As the economy tanked and unemployment stood at 23% i had the brainwave that if i rolled back tax reductions and then increased it by 30% things would be put right but unfathomably that just seemed to make the poor even worse off, turns out the reverse Robin Hood where we take from the poor and give to the rich wasn't a winning strategy especially with the poor, so i next tried taking from the poor and giving back to the poor in benefits which again had no effect except a lot of protests and near riots.
I addressed my people and said let's not fight amongst ourselves and we should be targeting the idiot who keep the peasants in misery and they all agreed which is why my train and motorcades were pelted with eggs and rotten fruit, i was heckled while speaking, and on several occasions the Secret Service halted attempts to kill me by disgruntled citizens, including capturing one man carrying a stick of dynamite.
How he could afford dynamite after my economic cock-ups is a mystery but the voters decided the best thing to do was kick my butt out of office which they did.
I died of internal bleeding following an operation to have a growth on my intestine removed, turned out the surgeon was as inept at operations as i was at economics.

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