Special Guest Blogger: King Edward I

You may know me as the evil king in Braveheart, the foul-tempered English King who marched into Scotland and started kicking all the Scottish peasants around but what the movie doesn't show is that i went to Scotland to mediate on a civil war at the request of the Scots.
That's right, Scotland begged me to come up and start meddling in their affairs and being 13th Century England, we arrived tooled up and they were asking for it, actually literally asking for it.
The film also doesn't mention the previous decades where i wrote a crapload of laws that revolutionized England forever, creating the first constitution and eased the national debt with a series of stringent anti-usury laws? See, those bits never get a mention, it's all kicking around Scots ponces with blue painted faces dressed in skirts.
How William Wallace gets all the sympathy i will never know, he never drafted complex legislation so that the people can enjoy stable governance for centuries afterwards, he just shouted 'they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom' just before we took his freedom and his head and plonked it on a spike at the Tower of London.  
Although i was nicknamed The Hammer of the Scots, it wasn't just the Scottish i had a problem with though, i fought a war with the Welsh Prince Llywelyn ap Gruffudd and his equally ridiculously named brother Dafydd ap Gruffydd and after killing them both, claimed Wales as part of England and as that was going on i issued the Edict of Expulsion, expelling all Jews from England.
The Jews were minted as they were money lenders to the aristocracy and so by kicking them all out, i took over the debts and so the money came to me instead which came in handy for invading France.
I died on the battlefield fighting the Scots once again, nothing heroic, i died of dysentery and my dying wish for for my heart to be removed and carried to the Holy Land but it never made it that far, ending up with the rest of me in Westminster Abbey.