Special Guest Blogger: Charles Dickens

I am dead, there is no doubt whatsoever about that. The register of my burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Old Charlie is as dead as a door nail.
I wrote a bunch of classics, including the most famous Festive story ever told, A Christmas Carol.
I popularised certain Christmas traditions, like carols and eating so much food that the limits of the human body are tested and delivering a timeless, touching message about the importance of goodwill toward your fellow man...even if that's a message that i completely failed to follow in my own life.
I dumped my wife and mother of my ten children for an 18-year-old actress but in 19th Century Britain leaving your wife for a young girl was not a well received thing to do so i hushed it up and set about slandering my wife, saying the marriage was strained as she had grown fat but by then the Scrooge and Marley story helped keep me in the public's good graces so my dickheadery went forgiven and 'A Christmas Carol' became more of a 'Do as I say, not as I do' tale of morality.
As well as girls young enough to be my daughter, i did have a lot of affection for cats as my house was full of them but my favorite was a small deaf cat called Bob and when he died i was so distraught i had Bob's paws removed, stuffed, and turned into a letter opener.
After leaving my wife i only wrote two more stories mainly because i had an lithe 18 year old actress to keep me occupied but i was involved in a train crash when the train's first seven carriages plunged off a bridge with the only carriage to remain on the track was the one i and my mistress was traveling although i never attended the inquiry because it was not good to have been seen with someone who was not my wife.
When i died i died at my mistresses house and her and her maids carried me back to my own home so the public would not know the truth about our relationship.
I was laid to rest in the Poets Corner of Westminster Abbey, my reputation in tact and the only regret is i wasn't around to slap whoever thought letting The Muppet's do a version of A Christmas Carol was a good idea??