Special Guest Blogger: King Edward VIII

My brother George was always my fathers favourite, he disapproved of my playboy lifestyle and once said that my affairs with married women and reckless behaviour would see me ruined within 12 months when i became King, sorry daddy dearest but you got that wrong, it was 11 months. 
While Prince of Wales, waiting for Daddy to die, i was packed off on a tour of Australia and when asked about the indigenous Australians the revolting journalists tried to embarrass me and paint me as a racist. What i actually said about the Aborigines was that they were 'the most revolting form of living creatures I've ever seen and the lowest known form of human beings and the nearest thing to monkeys' and what do the press do? They take it completely out of context and make me look a complete arse.
I was introduced to my future wife, Wallis Simpson, by a peer whose wife i was having an affair with but as she was a two time divorced American, i had to hide our affair from my family but then my father went and died and i became King and i announced that Wallis and I were to marry and that was when the smelly brown stuff really hit the fan, and by smelly brown stuff i don't mean an Indigenous Australian.
The problem was as King i was head of the Church of England and one of the silly rules the CoE has is that remarriage after divorce is not allowed so when the Prime Minister said that the British public would deem the marriage morally unacceptable, i called their bluff and said in that case i would have to abdicate.
They called my bluff straight back and basically said 'feck off then' and after just 326 days as King, i handed over the throne to my brother George and went to live in Austria.
I did meet with Adolf Hitler and his gang and they promised to reinstate me as King and while it is true that i did have sympathies towards the Fascists, those bloody journalists tried to make me look bad again by twisting my words, i simply that Hitler was a nice chap and that countries should be guided by the policies of Nazi Germany but they tried to make me sound like i was Seig Heiling and giving Nazi Salutes all over the place which i was but still, don't believe everything what you read in the papers people.